THIS WEEK'S HOLY CRAP! MOMENT

This week I had a Holy Crap! moment.  The Holy Crap! moment is the point at which one reaches the line between Denial and Reality.

As so:

A few examples of Holy Crap! moments:

"Holy Crap! I'm married"
"Holy Crap! I have a baby" 
Holy Crap! the holidays are over = the bank account is empty

This Week:  HOLY CRAP!  MY JOB IS ENDING!

Soon my job is coming to a close.  Well, a big part of my job.  Let's just say I won't be getting the big check from this job anymore.   I knew it was coming.  I planned for it to end.  However, it's happening a little sooner than I expected.  "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best"....that's what "they" say. 

I suppose I've been saying......."Hope for the best.  Wish for the best.  Dream for the best."
Well....not my words.  Those are Denial's.

This week my colleague got a call.  Time to wrap it up!  What?

But...
You said...
But...
we have a lotta stuff to wrap up...
But...
we have documents to file...
But....
there are boxes to fill....
But....
there's furniture to be moved...
But...
the phones need to be shut off....

But....But...But...

...MY BILLS NEED TO GET PAID! 

That was her Holy Crap! moment.  Immediate. She's Irish.

It was 0-100 in 1.02 seconds. 

As so:

She's handling Reality so much better right now...

Maybe because she's single.  Maybe because she's frugal.  Or maybe because she's sensible.

I've known Denial a lot longer.
We spend a little more time together.
Sometimes, then, Denial becomes the boss of me.

I should have no problem finding work.

I mean, I do have two legs. I have a brain.  I have my health. 

I have my boobs....

(I better not!)

...and....I have my Droid 2....The Great Text/Phone/E-Mail/Internet/Navigator/Get-Me-A-Job machine.

Meanwhile, while my colleague was distraught.......

....my reaction was a little Valium-like, casually-relaxed...no panic.  Denial talked me out of that one.
I just continued filing and working and  La La La La La-ing and more La La La La La-ing...and blogging....and taking myself to lunch...and cleaning the house and working while La La La La La-ing....and skipping, skipping, skipping...

Stop!....then it occurred to me...right in the middle of one of my La La La La La-ing-ishly moments...I have not been without work for over the past twenty years.  I've never been without work.  Always a check.  Since I was 16.  Okay, I was off for a short 8 month period after birthing my first born...but still!!!

Those Ben Franklins have always been walkin' through my door...

HELLO!  YOU'VE WORKED HARD THIS WEEK.  WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO TAKE CARE OF?  FOOD? UTILITIES? CAN I PAY YOUR MORTGAGE, MAYBE?  A LITTLE VACATION?

SURE, THANK YOU!

THAT'S WHEN IT STRUCK ME!

 HOLY CRAP!

Panic.  Stomach churning.  Body pacing.  Saliva saliva-ing. 

What is going on with me?  I've known this was coming to an end.  Why did I spend money for that?!  Holy Crap!  Why didn't I pay that off then?!  Holy Crap!  Do I have enough money in the bank?!  Holy Crap!  Will I ever work in this town again?!  Holy Crap!

The phone rang.  It was my colleague...and she called right in the middle of my panicked Holy Crap! moment.  Like a good 'lil soldier, she endured her couple of hours of panic, and without consolation. 

She got over it, noticed my panic, and began reassuring me.

"There is no reason why we can't find work.  Our skills are too valuable.  We'll have to struggle a little bit with odd jobs, but we can do it!"

There I was.  In Reality.  Facing the future...head on...thankfully, being reassured and, ultimately, reassuring myself.  It's going to be okay.  I already knew what was coming.  My guts just needed to catch up with my brain.

By evening we were making lists, assigning tasks, and phoning potential we-will-pay-you-for-your-work kinda people.  We're good at what we do.  Everything works out.  Gratefully, I slept well that night.

So here I sit, stand, walk, and sleep.  Days later.  Sometimes motivated.  Sometimes paralyzed.  The future is unknown.  Surprisingly I've been calm...and kinda "ascared."   Nevertheless, I'm excited to know that now I'm on a track for yet another one of life's adventures......Holy Craaaaaaap!

Ciao for now!

k